Quotes
by KristenTheKittyKat
Summary: Many are beautiful, wise, intelligent. So who would think Mantis would know any? Well, he does! And he likes to show off just how "wise" he can be... "Distraction"- In which Viper is a tease, Mantis is distracted, and Monkey wishes he was never born XD
1. Angry

**_~Angry~_**

_Who thought of Tigress because the title? Alot? Well, it's about Viper! Freaky, right?_

_So since my other ideas didn't really work out ***everyone glares* *I flinch*** Heh... Anyway, I decided to make a oneshot story! But not just any oneshot... It revolves around Mantis and how wise he is! Yes, you read it correctly. I hate how they made him so... I don't know, immature? Stupid? So I wanted to show that he's a very intelligent person, and what better way then to have him quote famous people on different topics? Yep, I'm crazy. But creative! :)_

_This is a quote of Christopher Morley._

**DISCLAIMER OF THE STORY: Don't own the quotes, characters, or anything else. Only the idea.**

_**~Kitty~**_

It was a peaceful afternoon. Po had made his amazing noodles, and everyone was anxiously awaiting the arrival of them. Viper and Mantis were missing; the bug had taken his serpent lover to an expensive new diner in the valley for their one-year anniversary. It had taken the combined effort of all of them, even Shifu, to get the two opposites to get together. Mantis kept Viper from getting too deep into her OCD, and she in turn kept him in line and diciplined. Well, remotely...

"... can't believe you would do this!" they suddenly heard the voice of Viper yell.

"Hide!" Tigress hissed. She knew that being around the snake when she was angry was a death wish, which was tolerable since she rarely ever got angry. She jumped in a box. Po hid the best he could under the table, and Crane and Monkey hid by the light. They soon saw Viper slithering by the door with a desperate looking Mantis behind her.

"Calm down, Viper. It's not like I can help it," he said, wincing when he realized how he made it sound. "Wait, I didn't mean it like-"

"_Can't help it_?" she screeched. She suddenly stopped, swinging around and bearing her fangs in the face of her boyfriend. "Mantis, you have self-control. You _can_ help it, and you _know_ it!"

"So I _happen_ to look at the waitress. Why are you getting so pissy about it?" he asked, loosing a little of his own temper.

"I'm getting 'pissy' because _I'm_ your girlfriend, and _she_ isn't!"

"... Aaaaaaand?" he questioned.

'Oh no,' everyone in the kitchen thought. Even Po knew that what he just said was the worst possible reply anyone could udder.

"**YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE**!" she shouted, finally slithering off. Mantis sighed, hanging his head in confusion.

Feeling like it was now safe, everyone came out of their hiding spaces. "What happened?" Monkey asked in astonishment. Mantis wirled around, clearly not hearing them. "Why is Viper so mad?"

Mantis sighed. "Apparently, when you're in a relationship, you can't check out other women."

"THAT'S what you did?" Tigress asked.

"Yeah, I know. Stupid, right?"

"No!" she shouted in protest. "You _never_ do that! No matter what!"

"But she was the hottest fox I've ever seen," he drooled.

"And what is Viper?" Po asked.

"The best, most amazing girl in the world..." Mantis stopped. He seemed to realize that even though the vixen was good looking, Viper was the best. "Aw man, what have I done?"

"You made a woman angry," Po pointed out. "And a very dangerous one, at that!"

"Well, you know what they say: 'A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.' And I assure you, I'm no failure!"

"Then go apologize," Tigress glared.

"Yeah, because when she's angry, she likes to use ME as a training partner," Crane shivered.

"Alright," Mantis gulped. "At my funeral, I don't want that music that puts you asleep to be playing. I want to be sent away with rock n' roll!"

Tigress smirked and the boys laughed. "We'll see..."

Mantis reluctanly made his way to Viper's room, praying. He wanted to live, but it seemed like he was walking into his own grave. 'No,' he thought. 'I would rather die than live with her angry with me.'

His thoughts were put to the test when he opened the door to the seething snake's room.

"What could YOU possibly want," she literally hissed. "The prettiest girl in all of the Valley of Peace is at the diner."

"No," Mantis said. "She's right in front of me."

With a "hmph", Viper slammed her rag onto the counter where her make-up lay. She took off her lotus blossoms and slapped the box she put them in shut. She spun around, shoving her fangs into his face once again. "I don't get it."

Mantis's face twisted in confusion. "Get what?"

Viper's face lost some anger, sadness replacing it. "I don't get why you notice other women when I try so hard for you to like me. I spend hours putting make-up on, fluffing my flowers just right, and you STILL don't look at me like you look at her." Viper sniffled, wipping stray tears with her tail.

Mantis grabbed her tail, sweeping her tears from her eyes. "You SHOULD get it. Because I'm a fool. I don't realize what I have until I almost lose it, and I'm stupid for that. You are the most amazing warrior I've ever seen. You are the most gorgeous female in all of China- no, in the whole world. Your dancing is the best, and you're the nicest woman ever. You have a heart of pure gold, and I'm surprised I didn't see that before." She smiled, tears- but not of sadness- welled in her eyes. Mantis smiled. "That girl may be pleasant to look at, but look at where I am. If I loved her and not you, I'd be there right now."

Viper gave him a hug, sniffling. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!"

Mantis smiled and pat her back. "It was, wasn't it? I should write poetry."

Viper smiled. She had her old Mantis back. She could never stay angry with him.

_**~Kitty~**_

_How emotional was **THAT**? Bleh, I think I threw up a little at the end there. Someone should probably clean that up... Any volunteers?_

**_*everyone leaves*_**

_At least leave some reviews! ***grumbles while grabbing a mop***_

_**~Kitty~**_


	2. Funny

_**~Funny~**_

_**WARNING!: Suggested themes in this chapter.**_

_**I've posted a summary of an up-coming story I'm in the middle of writing :) I hope you guys can just take a few minutes of your time and read it. Let me know what you think. Would you read it?** And another thing, I'm kinda in a ViperxMantis swing right now. I know there ain't alot of fics about them out there- or fans, for that matter- but I was hoping to make some people believers :)_

_Very funny quote from Jim Carrey XD Very funny._

_**~Kitty~**_

Everyone at the Jade Palace always took advantage of the rare day they would get off. Shifu seemed to be in an okay mood; happy, Mantis dared call him. They all either spent the day together just talking, or ventured into the valley to shop, mingle, patrol (according to Tigress), etc.

Viper had dragged them all shopping as the first order of business. She had so much fun that Mantis didn't even complain; just because he or Viper never wore clothes, he was the official "guy shopper". During their relationship, Viper had given him advice on how to help the other male residents of the Jade Palace with shopping (he cursed himself for being a good listener). So while she forced- ahem, persuaded- Tigress to buy new clothes, Mantis had to deal with the others.

"C'mon guys, at least humor her and buy something."

It was alot harder than he remembered- and yes, he had done it before- to convince them to buy stuff.

"She's _your_ girlfriend," Monkey huffed, picking up a random pair of pants. "Why do we have to-?"

"No no!" Mantis suddenly shouted. "Red goes _waaaay_ better with your fur."

He recieved funny looks. "... What?"

"She's actually taking away Mantis's masculinity," Po gaped. "What's next? _Who's_ next?"

They tried to escape, but Mantis would have none of it. He picked all of them up and deposited them into a pile of clothes. "No way! Shopping time is Viper's favorite time! Please, just suck it up and **BUY SOME PANTS**!"

"Geez, you haven't gotten any in a while, have you?" Crane muttered.

"What?" Mantis almost choked.

"Hm, I wonder," Monkey drawled sarcastically, then smirked. "You're crabby, edgy, looking like you could use a cold shower. Face it, buddy- you're _whipped_."

They all laughed as Mantis turned a purple color. He coughed violently, then wheezed out, "Shut up!"

They only laughed harder. "I don't see you guys getting any!" Mantis blurted out. Their laughter died down. "Actually, when Mei Ling visits..." Crane admitted.

"Tigress..." Po blushed.

"Fan girls," Monkey winked.

"I hate you guys."

"Well, it's not our fault your not-"

"_Thank you_, Po!" Mantis stressed, looking warily at roaming customers that could overhear them. Bringing his voice down to a whisper, he said, "Hey Monkey, at least I'm in a committed relationship and not hooking up with random chicks whose names you probably don't even remember."

It was Monkey's turn to blush. "At least I get it in more than you!"

Crane, calming down enough to stifle his chuckles, stepped between the two. "Alright, guys. Let's just agree that we have girls and that we're all lucky to have them."

"I don't know, Crane," Mantis chuckled. "Monkey doesn't have a steady relationship, and behind every great man has to be a woman rolling her eyes."

"You've got that right," two voices said from behind them.

The boys froze, slowly turning to see Tigress and Viper, both clearly not amused by the topis of the boys' conversation. Viper had bought a new rose headdress, and she had convinced Tigress to get a stylish red and black, modest kimono dress.

"H-How long have you guys been there?" Po asked, stuttering nervously.

"Ever since Mantis dragged your sorry asses back in here," Tigress glared.

They all gulped. The girls had heard the worst of their conversation. Tigress grabbed Po, Monkey, and Crane, saying that Mei Ling and Monkey's girlfriend would hear about it. They were all but whimpering in fear of the wrath of the tiger. That left Viper alone with Mantis.

"H-Hey, babe," Mantis said, smiling nervously.

Viper glared, looking off to the side. When Tigress and the others disappeared around a corner, she suddenly smiled. She curled around Mantis, who was confused. "I figured you would brag about the times, but you actually lied and said you and I haven't."

Mantis sighed in relief. She hadn't actually cut him off, but he knew that if she ever heard him talking to them about it, she would. He didn't want that happening, and honestly didn't know anyone who would.

He pecked her lips, earning an "Aw!" from the surrounding passers-by. "Well, I don't want to loose you or 'it'. Do I get a reward?"

She smirked. "Let me think about it."

Mantis watched slack-jawed as Viper slithered off. "Tease!"

_**~Kitty~**_

_Who can picture Viper being a tease? I can! :) Please remember to read the summary of my new story! It's called_ "... And She Prayed"

_**~Kitty~**_


	3. Parenting

_**~Parenting~**_

_... Don't even ask me where this came from, cause honestly, I don't know. It just came to me after reading the ONLY Mantis/Viper stories out there (by RockDiva, Drama sapphire, and Animation Universe 2005). Anyway, enjoy!_

_**I TAKE REQUESTS!** Give me a word and I'll find a quote that fits it! :)_

_But I have to warn you, I'm kinda in a MxV kick right now, and this will probably all be MxV._

_Quote from Russell Baker._

_**~Kitty~**_

Shifu was actually a very patient person. Despite how strict he was, he never really lost his temper. He was just easily annoyed, but not any less accepting.

When his daughter began a relationship, he was fine (but couldn't help give the warrior a threat to Wuxi him so hard that his ancestors would feel it). When Crane broke through his window playing frisbee with his hat, he had brushed it off. When Monkey had suddenly appeared with a half- shaved head with Po chasing after him, he left them calmly to do their business.

But when Viper and Mantis came back to the Jade Palace after a few months on an undercover mission with an albino little snake girl, he was forced to draw the line.

"Dear gods, what did I _ever_ do to you two?"

They glanced at each other. Viper cuddled the little girl in a red blanket to match her eyes. Mantis bravely stood slightly in front of Viper and his new child. "Master Shifu, please. You don't even know the story."

"Then, by all means, indulge me. Tell me how this is physically possible."

"Well, you know how we had to go in bandit country- me as a new recruit and Viper as a prisoner?"

"Yes, I am aware," Shifu huffed, wishing for new information.

"Well, we finally gained their trust enough to get the prisoners with us for a sneak attack..."

_**~Flashback~**_

_"Viper, get the girl!" Mantis shouted, quickly taking down a boar. Viper nodded and rushed to the little girl curled around a limp form. The brown form, a snake, lifted its head blearily. Viper saw the blood and the light fading from the female's eyes, so she had to talk quickly. "Where are you hurt?"_

_"Thank you for saving my daughter," she said instead, weakly shoving the bundle toward Viper. Viper clutched the girl, realizing what the woman meant; as a dying wish, she wanted her daughter to be taken care of. Viper sighed, knowing the girl was raped in the prison and gave birth to the little creature there. Now she was going to die in the raid that was supposed to save her and her baby._

_"What... What did you name her?"_

_In all the comotion around her, Viper barely heard the girl whisper in her last breath, "Xue."_

_"Snow," Viper muttered, tears shining as she looked at the cute little girl. "It fits you, little one."_

_Aftetr everything was over, Mantis had rushed to Viper, fear that she had been hurt making him even faster. But he stopped in his tracks when Viper held up a little girl._

_"Her name is Xue," Viper whispered._

_As Mantis looked into the eyes of the reptile, he was suddenly in love with another girl. She was down-right adorable. With eyes like his, he suddenly saw her future in them. She had a fire inside her, one that was only currently a spark. He had to take care of and nurture to become stronger, better, more beautiful. Four words were blurted out of his mouth before he even registered them._

_"Can we keep her?"_

**_~Flashback~_**

"So you adopted her?" Shifu asked, only feeling a little relieved.

"What did you expect us to do?" Viper snapped, defying her master for probably the first time. "Leave her there? Out of the question! Look at this face and tell me that she needs to leave."

Viper shoved her forward, and Shifu couldn't deny that the child was the definition of beauty. She reminded him so much of Tigress, even though the snake was probably only a year old, maybe even less. In her eyes was a fire that he had no way to describe. All he knew was that he couldn't send her to Bao Gu; who knew what they would do to her? If they had shuned a beauty like Tigress by looks alone, then this snake would never hear the end of it because of her unusual scale and eye color.

"She can stay," he muttered. Viper cheered and Mantis kissed Xue's forehead. "But you do realize one of you will have to take a break from training to watch over her-"

"We can alternate," Mantis offered, knowing he nor Viper didn't really want to give up their training. "Can we go introduce them to the others now, master?"

"Of course," he smiled.

_**~Others~**_

Po was speachless. So was Monkey. Crane had his beak popped open. Tigress smiled- wider than she ever had, actually- and asked, "Can I hold her?"

Viper smiled and handed her the bundle. It was much more different then holding a weapon, or holding an apponent. She was a fragile, delicate little thing that required less muscle and more care or else she would be crushed. Tigress gazed softly at the girl as she giggled softly at something the tiger was obviously missing. Her pointed tail came in contact with Tigress's nose, making twitch and Xue's laughter increase. The snake smiled, flashing off small, harmless fangs. They were different from any other snake's she had ever seen. They were small, even for a baby, and were dull, not pointed. She looked up at Viper in shock. Viper smiled sad smile, nostalgic even. "I know."

Mantis jumped up on Tigress's shoulder. He smiled. "She's the most beautiful thing in the world."

Monkey smiled, finally regaining his motor skills. "She is. Where did you guys find her?"

Viper turned sad. "The mission. A woman gave her to us before she..."

Crane nodded. "Well, she's very lucky you two were there."

The little girl burped, making everyone laugh. "Like father, like daughter," Po jabbed at Mantis.

Mantis shivered. "I hope not. I don't want my Xue to end up anything like me! Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it." This earned a laugh from all of the people in the room, including the newest member of the Jade Palace.

_**~Kitty~**_

_Daw, daddy!Mantis :) What in the world could be cuter than that and his daughter? :)_

_**~Kitty~**_


	4. Wisdom

_**~Wisdom~**_

_Inspiration actually came from KFP 2 and **NOT** SotFF, surprisingly. **SPOILER ALERT!:**_

_When the tower is falling (right after Crane's wing is injured), Po falls in the hole where the weapon was pushed through the floor by Mantis. Viper is struggling with the weight of Po, and Mantis comes to pull her up (but Tigress tells them to go down). Anyway, I paused where Mantis had his arms around Viper, and I **SWEAR** she's blushing! Like, seriously, it may just be the lighting, but look for yourselves!_

**_SPOILER OVER!_**

_Quote from Katharine Graham._

**_~Kitty~_**

"Again."

Wincing, a young Viper tried to make it through the Fiery Field of Death without burning her scales onec again. She had been at the Jade Palace for a little less than a month, and was only fifteen. There was only two others: Tigress, whom had been Shifu's student for eleven years and was currently seventeen, and Monkey, who was sixteen and had been there for about half a year. There was rumor that Shifu was expecting another student any day, but he hadn't actually confronted them about it.

Finally reaching the end, Viper was shocked that she hadn't been blown to bits that time. That itself was an accomplishment. Shifu's face remained the same, though. "Again."

She wasn't used to this. Usually her father would praise her, if even a little, when she obviously did something right. What had she done in that routine that was wrong? She was apparently missing it. It made her just want to go home and crawl back into the safe embrace of her father.

When the doors to the Training Hall opened, she found her reason to stay.

In walked a very handsome bug, a mantis, looking confused. "Um, is there a Shifu in here?"

"It's Master Shifu," Shifu grumbled. She yelped as fire shot up behind her; she had been staring at the mantis and hadn't realized that her routine had been stopped. She crawled off the field, listening to the exchange. "I assume you are Mantis?"

"Yes," the bug, Mantis, replyed.

"Viper." She snapped out of staring at Mantis and bowed to Master Shifu. "Show Mantis to his room; it is by yours."

"Yes, master," she replyed nervously. Mantis looked around her age, and the last time she had been alone with a boy her age... Well, she never _was_. Her father made sure of that. And now, she was going to one's room.

Her stomach flipped and she gave him a shaky grin. "L-Let's go."

After walking through the halls for a moment, Mantis started talking. "Man, is he always like that?"

"I've only been here for maybe three weeks, but you get used to it," she offered, smiling.

"Have you yet?" he asked.

Surprised at the unexpected question, Viper stuttered. "W-Well, I, uh, i-it, um..."

He started chuckling. "You know what, it's fine. So what are the rules around here?"

"Do you have all night?" Viper giggled.

"Are you asking me out?" Mantis teased, wiggling his eyebrows. "Cause if you are, I accept..."

She yelped as she ran into a beam. Rubbing her head with the tip of her tail, she laughed nervously. "U-Um..."

Only when Mantis started laughing did she realize he was joking. "Are you okay?" he chuckled.

"I-I'm fine." They reached her room. "This is, um, my room and... this is yours," she stated, pointing a quivering tail at his room.

He rose a non-existant eyebrow at her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Sure," she smiled, but she couldn't stop shaking. _'What is wrong with me? It's just a guy! Get a grip, Vip!'_

"I think I know the problem," he said, his voice unreadable.

"Y-You do?" Viper asked, sruggling to control a blush.

"Yeah... You're homesick!" Mantis smiled sympathetically.

"What?" she asked, not planning on that to be his conclusion.

"Yeah, you said you've only been here for, like, three weeks. You must miss your family and-"

"That's not it!" she blurted out. Her eyes widened and she bit her tongue. _'Why did you say that? You were home-free!'_

Mantis tilted his head. "It's not?"

"N-No, uh..." 'C'mom, think! Think!' "It-It's just... Master Shifu is so mean!"

They both looked shocked at what she had said, but Viper didn't stop. Her mouth dominated over her brain, and the dam finally burst. "He-He expects me to be perfect, like Tigress! I never get any praise like I recieved from Daddy, and it- it's just hard to live with! If you do even one thing wrong, make even one mistake, then it's over! You're back down to the ignorant little child with no venom to make her father proud!"

She slapped her tail over her mouth, eyes wide. "I-I'm s-so sorry! I-I didn't mean to go off like that..."

"Nah, it's cool," he said, brushing it off. "You obviously needed that. And if it helps any, I don't think a snake needs any venom. And nobody's perfect, so of course there are gonna be mistakes made."

"R-Really?" she asked cautiously.

He shrugged and grinned. "Sure. Besides, a mistake is simply another way of doing things, right?"

She giggled, his wise words giving her courage. "I guess so." Her eyes softened. "Thank you."

"No problem. And really, I do have all night."

"Hm, how weird. So do I..."

_**~Kitty~**_

_Shameless ViperxMantis flirting. When she was younger, I imagine Viper to be flustered around boys her age :) I like it._

**_~Kitty~_**


	5. Beauty

_**~Beauty~**_

_Quote from George Meredith. Request from Elena Hurley._

_Well, I have been a busy bee! Yet I still haven't heard any opinion on an upcoming story of mine, whose summary is on my profile. So, I'm posting it on here for all the lazies out there (it's okay, I'm lazy too :D). Here it is!:_

"... And She Prayed- AU, modernized, and humanized. Tigress and Crane are keeping many secrets. Adopted fathers? Secret siblings? A story of romance, jealousy, secrets, abuse... And who could forget drama? VERY graphic violence and hints of rape. You've been warned..."

_Let me know what you think!_

_**~Kitty~**_

Sniffling, Xue slowly slithered up the stairs, hearing the laughter behind her. At her first day of school at five years old, she had been teased ever since her father had dropped her off. Whether it was her scales, her eyes, or her fangs; she just didn't get a break. She hated it.

"What a joke!" a slightly older pig boy laughed.

"Did you see her fangs? Priceless!" a rabbit giggled.

She squeezed her eyes shut, slithering away faster. She didn't understand. Her father had red eyes, and he was never made fun of. And Uncle Crane had white feathers; what big of a difference was having white scales? And her mother had no venom, so why was she being teased for that? And so what if her fangs were little? What had she done differently that everyone teased her and not her family? Not that she wanted them to be teased; she just wondered.

"Hey, sweetie." She jumped and tackled the source of the voice, not really noticing what he or she said or the voice of the person.

Mantis laughed and pushed the barely-larger-than-him snake from him. "I knew you were gonna be a fighter from the first time I layed eyes on you."

She smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. Mantis frowned. He knew something was wrong with his daughter. "What's the matter, Xue-Xue?"

She sighed. "Daddy, what's wrong with me?"

"What do you mean? There's absolutely nothing wrong with you." Why was she asking that?

"That's not what these kids say," Xue sniffled. "It's my eyes, my scales, my fangs- why am I so different?"

"You're a good kind of different, love," he smiled, patting her head. "You're beautiful, no matter what people say."

"What's beautiful, Daddy?" Xue asked, tilting her head.

He thought a moment. Xue was... slower than other children. She was smaller, almost a runt, but no one would ever call her that because Mantis and Viper would kill them. They wouldn't want to anyway; she was too adorable. "Well... It's like being pretty, but it's not just looks. Many guys like girls who are beautiful on the inside rather than the outside."

Xue made a face. "Ew, they can see our insides?"

Mantis laughed. "No no, I'm talking about your personality. You are a very sweet little girl, and quick-witted, too. You know, there's a saying. 'A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.' You are a witty girl, and you have a witty beauty. I wouldn't have you any other way." He kissed her forehead and she smiled.

"Thank you, Daddy. But what if they tease me again?"

"You just leave that to me and don't worry..."

The Furious Five and the Dragon Warrior had a mission that evening. After telling Master Shifu about her being able to tackle him, Shifu had decided to teach Xue the basics of kung fu. Mantis had talked to the teacher of the school Xue went to, and had sorted out a few things. After sending the other five to many other houses, he decided to just go to one...

"Mom, it's Master Mantis!" a seven-year-old shouted as he opened the door to his house. Mantis nodded to the rabbit's mother.

"May I speak with you and your son?"

"Of course!" she shouted, ushering him inside. "Anything for a savior of the valley!"

After they were situated, Mantis started talking. "Unfortunately, I'm not here on a good cause. Today at your son's school, my daughter was teased."

"Oh, that's just terrible," the woman said. Her son sunk in his chair, looking extremely nervous. "I hope you find out who did that to her."

"Actually, I do know," Mantis said, looking at her son. "It's your son."

The next day, Xue came home and immediately lept into her father's arms. "Whatever you did, Daddy, it worked! They were nicer to me today!"

Mantis smiled and kissed her head. "Anything for my powerful treasure."

_**~Kitty~**_

_Satisfied, Elena? I didn't know if you wanted something really fluffy or not. But I like writing emotions, and what better way to than to make a father/daughter fluff? Oh, and LEARN FROM MANTIS, SHIFU!_

_Still accepting requests :)_

_**~Kitty~**_


	6. Art

_**~Art~**_

_Dang, I've been busy! My love life has tanked in the last few days, so don't be surprised if I let it out in the stories I'm working on. Just saying._

_Y'all really need to read "Kung Fu Panda 3: Internal Conflict" by TheAnyonymousWriter. It's amazing! Like, really. I like it :)_

_Quote from Albert Camus._

_**~Kitty~**_

It had been a long week for Crane. Master Shifu had sent Tigress, Po, and Monkey to the other side of the country Crane couldn't even remember why they left. Shifu himself had taken a trip to Japan to attend a funeral of an old friend. So it was just Crane, Mantis, and Viper in the Jade Palace. And he was hating every second of it. From Mantis and Viper flirting to them taking PDA to the extreme. Crane didn't know how much more he could take.

But this was by far the weirdest events all week.

Mantis was painting. In his room. While Viper destroyed hers.

Why was he stuck in the Twilight Zone called his life?

"Um, Mantis?"

Mantis calmly looked up from his gentle strokes, seeming to not here the anguished cries of his girlfriend. "Yes?"

"You do realize Viper's finally gone crazy, right?"

"Sure."

"... Okay, what happened?"

Mantis sighed and set his brush down. "Nothing too bad, okay? We just had a... disagreement and broke up."

"And _how the hell_ did you make her so mad that she destroys her room?"

Mantis sighed. "I don't even remember... One minute, I'm asked to go down to the village, the next we're storming away from each other."

"So you're not mad at all?"

"Oh, of course I am," he said, picking up his brush and continuing his painting.

"You don't sound like it," Crane observed warily.

There was a loud **CRACK!** as Viper's dresser was split in half.

"Well, a guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession."

"You need to go apologize, Mantis," Crane urged, glancing across the hall. Through his open door, he could see Viper's form knocking over her bed.

Mantis sighed, not taking his eyes off of his painting. "I know. I will. When I'm finished with this."

Crane's eyes flashed dangerously. "Mantis, she could hurt herself! Stop stalling and get your ass over there! She loves you alot, so why can't you just throw your pride down the stairs and apologize?"

**SNAP!** Crane flinched. That didn't sound good.

Mantis squinted and smiled. "Alright, I'm done. Wish me luck."

Crane tilted his head as Mantis strode out of the room and straight into Viper's. He heard mumbles and saw only shadows through the walls. Soon, he saw Viper collapse in Mantis's arms, and heard him whispering soothing words to her. He glanced at the paper Mantis had worked on. Turning the paper over to reveal what was made, Crane smiled.

The perfect picture of Mantis and Viper together, sitting at what appeared to be Mr. Ping's place. Every detail of Viper was carefully done, and Crane half-expected her to slither right off of the page.

Looking back across the hall, he saw Mantis and Viper cuddled by Viper's over-turned bed, snuggling in the wake the snake's destructive anger and sadness. Grinning, Crane slid the picture under the door for the couple.

"A work of art, indeed," Crane mused as he shut his door.

_**~Kitty~**_

_I editted out so much! Tried to keep it in Crane's point of view- kinda. Made while listening to "Love the Way You Lie part 2". Part 2 is much better than the first :) Anyway, I'll probably update "Snowsitting" tomorrow. Or tonight. Dunno..._

_Wow, this is really short ^^ Sorry about that ^^"_

_**~Kitty~**_


	7. Protective

_Request from **Elena Hurley**, who always has epic ideas! **Be on the lookout for her new MantisxViper story coming soon!**_

_Quote from unknown. If you know who said this, please tell me!_

_**~Kitty~**_

Mantis thought he was going to throw up. The snake looked intently at him, like he was nothing, like he was dinner and nothing else. He glanced at Viper as if to ask "Are we in the right house?", but all she did was give a shakey smile that he guessed was to reassure him. It wasn't helping. It just reminded him of how he got into this mess in the first place...

_**~Two Days Previous~**_

_It was, for once, a peaceful afternoon in the Valley of Peace. The sun was setting on the perfect day, which hadn't been disturbed at all. *Master Shifu played Tigress's favorite song on his flute, Trail of the Angels, as they sat together, finally deciding to reconnect as father and daughter after twenty years of nothing but master and student. Crane was enjoying painting the beautiful sunset the gods had blessed them with. Monkey had finally shared his cookies with Po, so the two were in the kitchen cracking jokes and just relaxing after the lazy day Shifu had given them._

_As for Viper and Mantis... Well, they shattered the fragile peace that had settled over the valley and the Jade Palace._

_"But why?"_

_"Mantis, stop whining," Viper admonished, looking over her letter once again. It was very simple, really. Just an invitation back to her old home, stating that everyone missed her dearly. Until the second sentece, that is. Which stated that her father, Grand Master Viper, wanted to meet her husband._

_Which was, to put it lightly, a damn big problem. In the words of Mantis, anyway..._

_"But I don't want to go!" he shouted._

_"You're acting like a child," she stated, rolling the letter back up and her eyes._

_"But I wanna liiiiiiiiiiiiiive!"_

_"Oh, stop it. We're going, and there's no way I'm letting you get out of this. Now come on, we have to run this by Shifu."_

_Mantis reluctantly let himself be lead to the Peach Tree, where Shifu and Tigress were. He was just finishing his song. He flashed them a smile. "Good afternoon, students. Have you enjoyed your day off?"_

_"We were," Mantis quipped sourly, but at a slap to the back of his head from Viper, he faked a smile and nodded. She smiled at Shifu. "Yes we have, but we would like to know if it would be okay to head out of town for a couple of days, maybe a week at the most."_

_"Why the sudden urgency?" Shifu asked._

_"My parents have asked me to come back home..."_

_"That's wonderful, Viper," Tigress smiled._

_"... To meet Mantis..."_

_"Oh?" Shifu smiled, realizing what had Mantis bothered. Seeing Mantis begging behind Viper, pleading with his eyes to deny the request. "Well, have a safe trip. Oh, and Viper, do try to bring Mantis back in one piece. It would be so hard to replace him."_

_He went back to his flute, playing another one of Tigress's top songs. Viper cheered and dragged Mantis to start packing. Before he was out of earshot, Tigress smirked and said, "Have fun."_

_**~Present Day~**_

Oh, he was far from having fun. Being stared down by the over-protective father of his wife wasn't that fun, believe it or not. In fact, for the first time in almost a month, he feared for his life (which was amazing for his line of work). The snake's eyes bore into his very soul, as if trying to see what exactly he had done to his daughter in their three months of marriage. He shivered. He hoped Master Viper wouldn't be able to see that... Then he really _would_ die...

Viper laughed nervously, trying to relieve the tension. "Daddy-"

"Please tell me he is just here to escort you and your real husband."

Mantis felt his short temper flaring at Master Viper's words. Before he could retaliate, though, Viper interupted him. "No, Daddy, this is my husband..." She slithered over to him and kissed his cheek, which immediately calmed him down. "I'd like you to meet Master Mantis. He's trained alongside me for... Well, he arrived about the time I did."

Master Viper felt his own temper flare. She had been dating him for that long and had never mentioned him in her letters home?

Viper's eyes widened as she realized how that sounded. "Oh, no! Um, we've been together together for around a year."

Mantis smiled, nerves expertly hidden. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Grand Master Viper."

He grumbled, but at a nudge from his wife Mei, he said, "The pleasure is all mine."

Viper and Mantis both allowed an internal sigh of relief. They had made it past her father (if only for a moment) and her mother. Now all Viper had to do was get Mantis past...

"Sister Viper!" two blurs shouted as they ran into her.

Viper giggled and hugged the two identical little snakes, one with red ribbons hanging down from her lilly head-dress and one with blue. "Mia, Jia!"

"We missed you!" the twin ten-year-olds said together, backing off. They looked at Mantis. "Who's he?" Jia asked.

"Master Mantis, but please just call me Mantis," he smiled. "I never really was one for formalities."

The twins gave him a critical eye, and Mantis thought that he was going to have to get past two more, but then they smiled and said, "He's good!"

Mantis smiled, but was shocked when they tackled him in a fierce hug. Viper giggled at his strangled look before saying, "Alright girls, off the hubby."

"You two will stay in Viper's old room," Mei smiled. Viper looked surprised. How did her mother manage to get that past her father? He looked as though he hated the idea, but gave no objections. None verbally, anyway.

"Mom, Daddy, if it's alright, Mantis and I have had a long journey, and we would greatly appriciate it if we could have an early rest," Viper said, glancing at the setting sun outside their house's window.

"Of course, sweetie," Master Viper said, kissing her on her forehead.

"Good night, everyone," she smiled.

"Good night," they replied.

"_Wan'an_," Mantis bowed.******

"_Wan'an_," they all replied (even if Master Viper's was a little grudgingly).

"I think they like you," Viper said as she shut her door. Unlike the ones at the Jade Palace, they were wooden. Solid. The house itself was made of wood and stone, while the Jade Palace was made of wood, glass, and jade.

"If that's how your father shows he likes someone, I'd hate to see what he did if he hated me," Mantis said sarcastically.

Viper sighed and curled around him. "So he's a little bit protective. He'll come around."

"When?"

"Be patient," Viper teased, kissing him softly.

Mantis smiled. "Well, I think it's about time I start enjoying this trip..."

"Mantis, there are children in this house!"

"I meant acupuncture! Geez, sometimes you have a very dirty mind..."

_**~Next Day~**_

Viper had promised her sister's a day shopping, and since Mantis had no intention of staying with Viper's father without his bride there, he was forced to go along. Snakes didn't buy much, thankfully, so he didn't have to carry much (and yes, he was used to it). He provided input on what looked best, usually replying, "Babe, you look fantastic." To which she thougtht he was just saying that to get out of having to shop with them. He defended himself with "Hey, I can't help if you look good in everything," earning him a kiss.

After the first hour of shopping, it was around lunch, so they decided to stop by a nearby noodle shop for dinner. He set the bags under the table before jumping up beside Viper, giving her a kiss.

"Wow, Vipey, Mantis is strong," Mia giggled.

"Vipey?" Mantis jabbed. He was ignored.

"He's a warrior," Viper said, a shrug implied in her voice since she literally couldn't.

"How many bad guy's butts have you kicked?" Jia blurted out.

Mantis smiled as Viper gently scolded her sister. He could tell that Jia (the one with the red ribbons) didn't really act lady-like, or want to anyway. He would like her.

"Alot. In fact, there was this one time..."

The rest of lunch was spent laughing, gasping in excitement, and giggling if it got to a romantic part (which, thankfully, it rarely did). It flew by rather quickly, and they walked away from the noodle shop soon with full bellies and eagerness to shop more. Well, Viper and Mia did. Jia and Mantis just came along for the ride. But shopping time was cut short because people were running away from one part of the town, screaming, "Bandits!"

"Mia, Jia, get home now!" Viper said as she and Mantis began to head toward the quarrel.

"But what about you and Mantis?" they asked.

"We can take 'em!" Mantis shouted.

When they arrived, they could see about twenty bandits of different species: gorillas, crocodiles, and multiple boars.

They quickly lept into the fray. Mantis was a powerhouse of energy, zipping from enemy to enemy. Some he fought, some he just nerve-struck. "You interupted my break!" he screamed, flipping a gorilla into a crocodile, knocking them both out. He nerve struck a boar, sending him crashing to the ground, frozen. He jumped onto the fallen boar's back, shouting, "Who's next?"

Viper swiftly and gracefully dodged any attacks thrown her way. She jumped into the air and brought herself down heavily onto a boar, knocking him unconscious. A boar ran at her with a sword. She quickly disarmed him, grabbing his hoof and making him punch himself in her signature move. While she did, though, a gorilla grabbed her. The boar hit the floor, too beat up to remember his own name. She squirmed in the gorilla's strong grip, but that only made him squeeze harder. She realized that he planned to crush her, but he had her tail pinned, so she couldn't try and pry his massive paw off of her form. With her air quickly rushing away from her, she yelled in a strained voice, "Man-_tis_!"

"Viper!" he shouted, seeing his wife's plight. He finished off the boar by him, then ran over and punched the gorilla straight in the face. Caught off guard, he was launched into a stone wall, Viper landing safely in Mantis's arms. He fell to the ground, K.O'd. He gently set her down. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she wheezed, catching her breath.

Mantis glared at the rest of them, daring one of them to hurt her again. A few boars and a crocodile fled, leaving only a gorilla, a crocodile, and three boars. "Fear." He launched the crocodile into the same stone wall, this time knocking him through it. "The." He used his nerve strike on the three boars, so fast he was only a blur. The gorilla looked nervously at the insect as Mantis glared heavily at him. "**BUG**!" He jumped up and punched the gorilla straight in the face, sending him flying.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mantis asked, taking her tail in his hand.

She smiled. "I'm fine, thanks to you."

Many villagers came forward, either to congradulate them or clear out the unconscious. Around that time, Viper's family slithered up to them. Master Viper hugged his daughter. "Are you alright?"

Viper giggled. "Daddy, I'm fine. I'm used to this kind of stuff."

Master Viper frowned, and looked around at the many faces. _'I'll wait until we arrive back home.'_

"Well, I think that was an eventful day," Mei said. "How about we all head back and get to know Master Mantis over tea?"

"Please, Mrs. Mei, just call me Mantis," he bowed.

"Then you call me Mei," she smiled.

"Fair enough."

_**~Later~**_

The family enjoyed their tea as Mantis and Viper told them of their journeys. There were sad moments, like when Mantis told them how he had no live relatives anymore. There were funny moments everywhere, since Mantis couldn't help but jab in a joke. There were also very sweet moments, like when they retold the events of their wedding. The only person that remained neutral was Master Viper.

"Now that we have stories out of the way, it's time to get serious," Master Viper spoke after a silence.

"What do you mean?" Viper asked.

"Dear, do we have to do this now?" Mei asked worriedly.

"Do what now?" Mantis asked.

"I'd like to talk about Viper's future."

"Daddy, what are you talking about?" Viper asked. "I've already planned out my future. I'm going to be a teacher of kung fu once I get experienced enough."

"I'd like you to stay here with us, where I can keep an eye on you," Master Viper said.

Viper looked shocked. "B-But I have training! Back in the Valley of Peace!"

"I'm not comfortable with my daughter being around that kind of danger," he said.

"But what about Mantis?" Viper added as Mantis wrapped an arm around her.

"Not that kind of danger either."

Viper's eyes flashed with anger. "You can't tell me what to do!"

He looked shocked. "Viper-"

"No!" She shouted. "I've worked too hard for you to just take it away from me like that! I won't quit! I won't stay here! And you can't make me!"

She quickly left the room. Mantis heard her slam her door. He chuckled awkwardly. "Um, heh, I'll just- uh- go check on her..."

Mantis couldn't have left any quicker than he did. Mantis slowly opened the door so he wouldn't scare Viper.

He was immediately holding a crying Viper in his arms.

He shut the door, knowing Viper wouldn't want her family to hear her thoughts she would undoubtly tell him. "Shhh... Shh, it's okay, Vipe. I've got you. I've got you. You're safe."

"H-He can't take me away f-from my t-training," she wept. "He can't take me f-from the oth-others..." She kissed him, which he gladly returned. It was a needy kiss, like if her lips weren't on his, he would diappear forever. She separated and looked in his scarlet eyes. "He c-can't take me from _you_..."

"Hey, since when do I let anyone come in and try to take away the love of my life?" he asked. "A son is your son until he takes a wife. A daughter will stay yours for all of your life. Viper, he just wants to protect you. He thinks that since you're married to me, that you won't be his anymore-"

"I'm no one's," she protested. "I'm my own person!"

Mantis laughed softly, stroking her cheek. "There's the Viper I know."

"I just don't want my father to be disappointed with me..."

"Then get down there and show him how you feel and stop staying up here and crying her your eyes out-"

"No need." They turned when Master Viper slithered through the door. Viper glared at him. He sighed. "I am sorry for expecting you to just go along with it. I should have asked you're opinion first." He glared at Mantis. "I just hate that my little girl grew up; and worse! She got married."

"Daddy, I'm not a little girl anymore," she said, slithering closer. "I'm a married, soon-to-be-mother kung fu warrior."

"Well, I- wait, **WHAT**?"

"Mantis and I have been talking about adoption," she smiled. When he sighed in relief, she smirked. "Did I trick you?"

"Don't do that to me, Viper!" he shouted, tail against his heart. "I'm too old."

"Ah, you're not that old," Mantis smiled.

Master Viper gave him a critical eye, then smiled. "Maybe you aren't so bad." He then gave a small glare. "But if you so much as think about hurting Viper-"

"Then you'll kill me," Mantis finished. "But I'd kill myself before I let that happen, so you'd have to beat me to it."

Viper kissed his cheek. The older snake smiled. "He's a keeper."

_**~Kitty~**_

_Like it? I do! Please review! Lol, that ryhmed!_

**_*_** _A link to the song he was playing (I **STRONGLY** recommend you listen to it! It's so peaceful!):_ h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = A B O x T t x J x N w Take out the spaces.

_******_ _It means "good night". I know, how original._

_**~Kitty~**_


	8. Distraction

_**~Distraction~**_

_I have SO many broken bones, therefore my typing has been delayed. Please be patient. You know, I have a feeling that nobody reads the beginning or end author's notes... If you do, in your review leave the word "applesauce". Let's see how this ends..._

_Check out **Elena Hurley**'s new KFP oneshpt! It's really good :D Weird that we both had the same idea... We just presented it differently :)_

_Quote by Bruce Sterling._

_**~Kitty~**_

Monkey groaned for what seemed to be the millionth time that day. After an exhausting trip back from Gongmen City, Master Shifu had recommended all of them get an acupuncture session with Mantis. Monkey was the first, of course; he was, after all, the one that was crushed by Po when the tower was collapsing. He was sitting in the floor with Viper holding the picture of a monkey and all of the chi points for reference. Mantis quickly grabbed his needles and set to work.

"Can you hold it steadier, Vipe?" Mantis asked, barely looking at her.

Viper huffed. She was a little peeved that Mantis couldn't work on her first. Not that she didn't want anyone else to be worked on, but after not being alone with him for nearly a week... It was driving her insane!

The others didn't really need acupuncture _that_ bad, did they...?

Grinning and showing off her white fangs, she lowered her eyelids. "I recall saying that to you the other night..."

Mantis and Monkey yelped collectively- Mantis because he was surprised by the bluntness (and truthfulness) of her words and Monkey because of the needle that was shoved into his shoulders. "Hey, watch it, Mantis!"

Taking a deep, shakey breath, Mantis nodded. "S'rry."

He grabbed another needle, going to Monkey's back and wondering why Viper was acting the way she was. She and Mantis had been in a secret relationship, so why was she putting it at risk by flirting with him in front of, of all freaking people, _Monkey_? He looked toward Viper to take a look at the diagram again. He almost choked when she gave him the most intense and suggestive stare he had ever seen. Monkey's pained yell brought him back to earth. He immediately pulled the needle out of the primate's back (how the hell did that get there...?). "Sorry, dude," he said distractedly.

"Acupuncture usually doesn't hurt this bad," Monkey grumbled.

"Viper, I think Tigress may want you in the other room..." Mantis said a little forecfully, wanting the damn tease to leave the room so he wouldn't be distracted anymore.

"I think _someone else_ may want me," she said, giggling and fluttering her eyelashes.

Monkey cursed as yet another needle was in him, this time in the arm. "Dammit!"

Mantis coughed violently. _'Damn tease!'_ "Viper-"

"Why are you whining?" Viper asked, slithering closer.

"Stay back!" Mantis screeched, jumping on top of Monkey's head.

Monkey shook him off and, in the same move, ripped all of the needles out of his body. "Get your girlfriend under control, Mantis! When you aren't distracted, we can do this..."

Monkey left the room with a huff. Viper had slithered closer to Mantis, backing him into a corner. He didn't look nearly as frazzled as he once did. "Why would you do that?" he asked. "One of the points about distractions is that everything that they do is destabilizing. Why destabilize me, Distraction?"

"I'm not a distraction," Viper pouted. "I just want some alone time..."

"Why didn't you just say so?" Mantis smirked, going in for a kiss.

Everyone was patiently waiting for Monkey to be done with his acupuncture session. But they didn't expect him to be storming into the kitchen only five minutes after it had started, glaring at everything while rubbing his shoulder and muttering about seductresses and needles not going together well.

"... Monkey...?" Po asked uneasily. "Are you okay? Who's turn is it now?"

"Viper's," he snapped. "I wouldn't expect it to be over soon. I wouldn't interupt them, either."

_**~Kitty~**_

_**IMPORTANT!: **Sorry for the delay, friends. But I have broken the whole right side of my body by falling off of a three story building, so it's nearly impossible to type. But while I'm sitting in my bed bored as hell, I'll write! It'll take some time, though..._

_Don't forget that word ;)_

_**~Kitty~**_


End file.
